In which the plot thickens, the story continues and the margaritas blend.
Featuring P.G. Holyfield and Tee Morris
SFX: Truck circling, deGuello playing.
So we were in a bad spot. We were trapped in Mexican restuarant. Outside, forces, sinister and unknown. With bloodthirsty taste in music. Forces ancient and mystical, as we were soon to find out.
PG — So I convinced my wife, Liza, to go.
I think she thought it was a joke.
PG — Yeah, well, when she hears the rest of this story, she’s not going to think it was so funny.
I was a little surprised at how quickly she left.
PG — Well you ruined our night out so she wanted to save money on a sitter.
I ruined your night out?
PG — That’s what she’s going to think when she hears this story.
Hey man, it’s not my fault.
PG — Who invited the guy to play golf?
Hey, I didn’t hit the ball into the truck, okay.
PG — I’m just telling it like it is.
Whatever. So, we did what men do in difficult and dangerous times. We drank.
Patrick — Dos Margaritas por favor.
PG — Two.
Patrick — That’s what I said, dos.
PG — I know and I said two.
Patrick — No, two means Dos.
PG — I know. I want two Margaritas.
SFX: Truck revving
PG — And you want Dos.
Patrick — Yes I do. Make that Quatro, por favor.
Finchy — What about me?
Patrick — buy your own drinks.
PG — See, that’s not sarcasm. Because he’s serious.
We moved to the bar, and watched the truck circle endlessly.
Bartender — Another round senor?
Patrick — Keep ’em coming. It’s a shame you know. I always thought I’d die drinking Guiness.
PG — did you think you’d die a coward?
Patrick — nope, I never thought that either. And come to think of it, I don’t think I will. What do you want to do.
PG — Do? I’m going to sit right here until that truck goes away.
Finchy — I’m going to the bathroom.
Patrick — (to finchy) good luck with that — (to PG) what do you mean, you can’t just sit here.
PG — Look I’ve got a wife. I’ve got a family. And, and this is the important part, I’ve got a clue.
Patrick — Well I don’t. Have a family that is. I’m going to go out there and see what they want.
PG — If you don’t come back, I’m finishing your margarita.
So, holding a cocktail napkin as an improvised flag of truce, I went outside to parley with the truck. Really. This was all some kind of misunderstanding. Had to be. After all, It was just a windshield. And as the truck turned to face me, I could see that it had already been repaired.
The truck pulled up alongside me. I expected it to stop at the driver’s window. But it kept going until the airbrushed mural was beside me. I thought it was some kind of mistake. Until I realized, the mural was moving.
A slight breeze blew through the trees of the rainforest. Was that a monkey? And I could see figures descending the steps of the Mayan temple.
As they drew closer, they appeared to be priests. They spoke in unison echoing across space and time.
PRIESTS — bbbrrring usss.
Patrick — what?
PRIESTS — Bring usssss the short one.
Patrick — Can you be more specific, we’re all kind of short in there.
PRIESTS — Appease Ah Peku.
Patrick — Right, the windshield. Look, Finchy’s happy to pay for that. Hell, I’ll even pay for it. We’ll both pay for it. How much do you want?
PREISTS — Bloood.
Patrick — Okay, is this one of those things where you say Blood and I say 100 bucks and we wind up meeting in the middle at like, what call it 500?
PRIESTS — Bloood.
Patrick — Guess not.
PRIESTS — Sacrifice.
Patrick — Right. So how long are you prepared to wait anyway?
PRIESTS — End time.
When I got back inside PG was frantically working his Blackberry.
Patrick — Tell me you saw that?
PG — Yeah, I saw it.
Patrick — What the hell was that?
PG — Just a minute.
Patrick — What are you doing. Are you twittering this?
PG — No, Google.
Patrick — What’s it say?
PG — Well I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.
Patrick — Give me the bad news.
PG — The good news is Ah Peku isn’t a curse.
Patrick — Oh, that means the bad news is really bad. When people don’t tell you the bad news, that means it’s really bad. What’s the bad news.
PG — Mayan god of thunder.
Patrick — What’s the Mayan God of Thunder doing on the side of a Chevvy?
PG — Well, it’s not that cut and dried. You see the Mayan gods all sort of blend together. They’re just different names for different faces of God.
Patrick — So, Ah Peku is.
PG — the God of Thunder and
Patrick — Mexican Show Trucks
PG — Yup
Patrick — That’s just great. So what you’re saying is, Finchy has pissed off an ancient Mayan thunder god so bad that the Thunder God wants his still beating heart ripped from his body as part of bizzare and cruel Mayan ritual designed to bring about the end of days or something like that?
PG — Nah, I think he’s just pissed about his windshield.
Patrick — Sounds a bit materialistic for an ancient Mayan god.
PG — Angry and vengeful.
Patrick — Oh yeah, that will work. Still, I like it better the way I said it.
PG — But the Mayans didn’t believe that the end of the world that was brought about. They had a fixed calendar. Says here that they believed that the world is going to end in 2012.
Patrick — 2012, that’s when all my credit cards expire. That’s kind of creepy.
Just then Finchy came back from the bathroom. (crashing thunder)
Finchy — what, what happened? what is it?
Patrick — Uh, there’s a couple of gentlemen outside, wearing feathers and bronze. They’d like a word with you.